i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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