we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
