he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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