I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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