Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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