yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
