then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
