The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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