if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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