is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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