I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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