I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
