1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
