call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
