I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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