he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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