This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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