so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
