Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
