Your face is a jimmy john
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
