No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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