Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
