Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
