Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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