I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
