so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
