K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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