I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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