There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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