don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
