I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
