I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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