these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
