i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize