You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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