I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
