the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
