Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
