At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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