420 ftw
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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