If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
