i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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