CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
