1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
