I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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