so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
