He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
40s are totally the cure
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
