i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
