This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
