when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
