This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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