i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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