We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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