sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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