There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
did you just send me my own nude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
