yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize