I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
