Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
