the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
