So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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