how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
