I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
