Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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