Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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