How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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