sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
